Sometimes I'm the one who needs a time out

Letters to my past self.

on November 7, 2014

On the 18th I turn 30. I’m really not sure how I feel about this. Every year I get so excited about my birthday and then always end up ending the night feeling disappointed and sad and unsure of the reasons why. I decided that I would go ahead and write a few letters to my past self to kind of reflect on everything in life that has made me the person I am today.


To 8 year old Heather.

Right now you are starting to realize the realities of life. Here are a few you should grasp now. Things with your mother are not going to get any better. You better just embrace and accept this now. You will never have that mother who wants to take you shopping and have a girls day together.. it will not happen. Ever. The neighbor guy next door will soon stop touching you not because someone tells him to stop but because the neighbors finally move away. In the end you will still be haunted of being forced to play Nintendo as he touches you. This will cause you to be a over protective parent and occasionally break down. Its will be okay though. I promise. You will end up having your first kiss in the next year or so.. its awkward as hell and isn’t anything like a Disney movie and not anything serious. You will get your period on the school but and be pretty sure that you want to die. Dont worry they will forget and life will go forward.



1782580_10203179906651674_7395821386240795635_oTo 16 year old Heather.

Life is hard. Everyone being mean because of the teacher incident and have made your life awful. This is when you will meet your “One and only true love” and be to stupid to see the boy that you should have given a chance sitting right next to you. He will end up being your best friend and you will be totally oblivious to the fact that he is crazy about you until you are done with you first marriage. Thats right.. you get married twice. However I will break that to the older you. Right now you are having fun, going to dances, losing your V card, experimenting with pot, and dating your best friends older brother. You deal with your mother constantly telling you how fat and disgusting you are. Trust me, looking back at you from the nearly 30 year old me. You look great. Dont take what she says to heart.






 To 21 year old Heather 

Kudos to you… you have everything that you thought you wanted. Except babies. You have a home, a husband and you feel like you are all grown up. you can buy booze, however you dont really like to drink to much yet. You would rather just play the domestic goddess role. You are going to school, going to get a graphic design degree and feel like you are doing it all right. However life will change soon and you will crash and have to pick yourself up. These people that are still your “besties” trust me dont hold them to close, love them at a distance because soon you will not only lose your husband but also those who were closest to you.



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To the 23 Year old Heather

Thank you for not getting any tattoos while you were going through your I need to change stage. You did decide to get your nipples pierced… and you will find soon enough that was a bad idea. However I will say I never would have saw it coming either. Who knew that your nipples would get caught on every single door frame that you came with in 9 yards of? You see and have pretty much accepted that your marriage is going to come to an end you are starting to go out more. You both are clearly unhappy with the marriage and are playing video games and living this imaginary life in world of Warcraft, however you do make an adorable gnome. I wish I could give you some advice that you would have taken, start saving money now! Stop taking out student loans!


To the 24 year old Heather 


Hey your single-ish! You fell for the bartender, and guess what he is going to break you heart. Those blue eyes and that cowboy type of attitude  he has. Ugh do not let him fool you. This dude is a douche… and that girl that is chilling on the couch with you her feet all propped up against you like your buddies? Yeah she is banging your boyfriend while your working.. and when he isn’t banging her he is busy hooking up with his ex girlfriend and his baby mama.. SURPRISE you will finally break up with him once he doesn’t come home because he is in the hospital with her while they deliver their 2nd child. But.. you do trash his apartment before you leave.. I can tell you now, that is something that you will never regret.


 To The 25 Year Old Heather 

See this boy? This may have been your 2nd or 3rd date. Yeah.. you totally end up marrying him. You have so many first with him. You fly for the first time, travel all over the United States together. You see the ocean for the first time with him also. You also have a child together. You will get your happily ever after with him. You will have that beautiful house with all the woodwork, the fenced in backyard and you will go through a couple dogs, you really don’t have the best luck with dogs. Its time to settle down. Its time to drink less. Its time to just embrace life for what it is. Admit that you have a drinking issue, admit that you have depression and just stay on the medicine it will be better for everyone. Your marriage will have its up’s and down’s as they all do.. but don’t forget to keep working for it. Keep working for you marriage like you did when you tried to land him as your husband. But most importantly continue to learn, live and embrace life. Life inst a fairy tail that has a happily ever after. You don’t ever know if your life was a happily ever after until someone else reads your book. As you life your write your story. So write your story to be the story you would want your children to read.







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