thecraftymommyblog

Sometimes I'm the one who needs a time out

Confessions of a baby beluga

on October 25, 2014

So if you know me personally you know that I have busted my ass the last 28 months to lose weight and get my ass in shape. Well… the last six months or so I have fallen off track and for those who don know me may want to read on and hear more.

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So on July 1st 2012 I weighed in at 250lbs. I’m five feet five inches call, so I was just about as wide as I was tall. I used the excuse that I was preggers to eat and did just that. I ate the shit out of everything and anything. But… I Had Morgan and realized that I wanted to be able to run with him and play with him and not have him be embarrassed or myself be embarrassed when I get all Winnie the Pooh stuck in some damn play tunnel. So I signed up for My fitness pal and began to track everything that I ate. I began to work out..

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and was feeling over all pretty fucking awesome about myself. In April of 2014 I got down to 164lbs.. and looked great, however mentally started feeling awful. Even though I was still on anti depressants they were not working and I was feeling lost. I stopped watching what I was eating. I stopped working out and completely shut down. There were points that I was considering on just “Checking out” because life was hard. Home was hard, I was gaining weight, work was hard, everything was hard and I could not get a grip on any of it. The only thing that kept me feeling full and happy was food. I would stop at wendys and grab fries, but I like the chicken at Kfc and would drive there and get chicken, but arbys had diet pepsi and stop and get one.. and I would eat until I felt sick and sometimes until I got sick. I’m sure there is some sort of title for what I was doing… but I was embarrassed and ashamed and kept it hidden in my car where nobody could see me binge eat. By July I hit 200lbs again. I finally reached out to my husband for help and let him know all my feelings and he helped me get the help I needed to get myself back together. I finally feel like I’m back in my body mentally.. and I have lost a little bit of weight. I am down to 185lbs. But Now I’m needing to push it up to the next level. Remember how I asked my father for a gym membership? Well tomorrow I’m going to go sign up for it. Monday I am going to start going. I need to do this for me. I’m not going to focus so much on the number as much as the transformation. Im going to focus on inches and toning. I was to run again.. and do a 5k in the spring. In a few days I’m going to post my measurements (all of them) as well as a picture.. I can promise you it wont be pretty.. but you know what? Tough shit. If you are offended by a sassy curvy girl.. you should maybe just move on to the next post.. ideally I will help someone who is needing a push to get back on track, of help someone get the help they need because depression is kicking their ass.. or ideally, just make you smile…

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One response to “Confessions of a baby beluga

  1. amber says:

    you’ve done an amazing job so far!!! Keep up the good work!!! i need to start working out, but going to wait till liam is one, so then I wont worry about my milk supply dropping.. other than that.. I want to get back down to my high school weight.. hmmm… hopefully!! maybe we can do a 5 k in the future.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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