Sometimes I'm the one who needs a time out

Confessions of a baby beluga

on October 25, 2014

So if you know me personally you know that I have busted my ass the last 28 months to lose weight and get my ass in shape. Well… the last six months or so I have fallen off track and for those who don know me may want to read on and hear more.

So on July 1st 2012 I weighed in at 250lbs. I’m five feet five inches call, so I was just about as wide as I was tall. I used the excuse that I was preggers to eat and did just that. I ate the shit out of everything and anything. But… I Had Morgan and realized that I wanted to be able to run with him and play with him and not have him be embarrassed or myself be embarrassed when I get all Winnie the Pooh stuck in some damn play tunnel. So I signed up for My fitness pal and began to track everything that I ate. I began to work out..

and was feeling over all pretty fucking awesome about myself. In April of 2014 I got down to 164lbs.. and looked great, however mentally started feeling awful. Even though I was still on anti depressants they were not working and I was feeling lost. I stopped watching what I was eating. I stopped working out and completely shut down. There were points that I was considering on just “Checking out” because life was hard. Home was hard, I was gaining weight, work was hard, everything was hard and I could not get a grip on any of it. The only thing that kept me feeling full and happy was food. I would stop at wendys and grab fries, but I like the chicken at Kfc and would drive there and get chicken, but arbys had diet pepsi and stop and get one.. and I would eat until I felt sick and sometimes until I got sick. I’m sure there is some sort of title for what I was doing… but I was embarrassed and ashamed and kept it hidden in my car where nobody could see me binge eat. By July I hit 200lbs again. I finally reached out to my husband for help and let him know all my feelings and he helped me get the help I needed to get myself back together. I finally feel like I’m back in my body mentally.. and I have lost a little bit of weight. I am down to 185lbs. But Now I’m needing to push it up to the next level. Remember how I asked my father for a gym membership? Well tomorrow I’m going to go sign up for it. Monday I am going to start going. I need to do this for me. I’m not going to focus so much on the number as much as the transformation. Im going to focus on inches and toning. I was to run again.. and do a 5k in the spring. In a few days I’m going to post my measurements (all of them) as well as a picture.. I can promise you it wont be pretty.. but you know what? Tough shit. If you are offended by a sassy curvy girl.. you should maybe just move on to the next post.. ideally I will help someone who is needing a push to get back on track, of help someone get the help they need because depression is kicking their ass.. or ideally, just make you smile…


One response to “Confessions of a baby beluga

  1. amber says:

    you’ve done an amazing job so far!!! Keep up the good work!!! i need to start working out, but going to wait till liam is one, so then I wont worry about my milk supply dropping.. other than that.. I want to get back down to my high school weight.. hmmm… hopefully!! maybe we can do a 5 k in the future.. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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